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SpeakerHey, Psych2Goers, are you having trouble deciding if your friend is a real friend?
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SpeakerWhat do you mean by real, you may ask. Well, I'm talking about a friend who has your best interests at heart,
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Speakera friend who is genuine with you and not sneaky.
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SpeakerIf you've had a friend for a while and you feel unhappy or that something's just off,
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Speakerit may be a sign for you to take a moment to determine whether or not this friend is a true pal or a toxic one.
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SpeakerHere are six signs they're not your real friend.
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Speaker1. they don't show interest or ask about the details of your life.
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SpeakerHow much interest does your friend show in your life? Do they ask you how your day was?
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SpeakerIf they do, do they actually listen or look like they can't wait until they can talk next?
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SpeakerA genuine friend is just that, genuine.
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SpeakerSo if they ask how you are, it may be polite at first, but if you have something to say, they'll be sure to listen and show support.
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SpeakerThey care about you and simply want to get to know you better. Here's to hoping you show as much support and care towards them too.
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Speaker2. they're not reliable and they're not there when you need them the most.
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SpeakerFriends are there for you, especially when you're having a hard time.
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SpeakerIf your friends can't stop talking about themselves and their problems while not considering your own, then they're likely not a real friend.
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SpeakerYou may be actively listening to all of their worries and tough situations.
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SpeakerI had to take the garbage out today. There were so many dishes piled up and they smelled so bad.
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SpeakerJason never called me back. My ferret died. Okay, the last one was pretty bad.
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SpeakerSo, I mean, be there for them, but if one day it's then your turn to talk about your worries and all they do is interrupt with a quick,
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Speakeroh, I gotta go, or they don't even bother to ask, don't even bother with them, unless this is an uncommon occurrence with them and they're going through something.
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SpeakerThey're likely placing all their negative energy on you and taking all of your positive while not bothering to give back.
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SpeakerIf you still want to be friends, and since there is something else going on, bring up your concerns with them, mention that they haven't been there for you as much as you counted on.
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SpeakerIf they still won't listen, it's likely you're in a toxic relationship.
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Speaker3. they're extremely critical of you.
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SpeakerSome fake friends can be extremely critical of their friends.
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SpeakerRemember, your buddy shouldn't be your biggest critic, they should be your biggest fan.
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SpeakerSome friends can offer constructive criticism because they want the best for you and want to see you improve.
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SpeakerThey are honest, but they'll likely do so in a kind, friendly way if they are a good friend.
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SpeakerIf your pal is toxic, they'll probably just shame you rather than provide helpful critiques.
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SpeakerIf they're a good friend, they may just give a kind dose of honesty and advice.
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Speaker4. if they say sorry, their apologies don't sound genuine.
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SpeakerDoes your friend say sorry when they're wrong? No? Oh-oh.
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SpeakerWhat about when they do, do they sound genuine? No? Double oh-oh.
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SpeakerIf your friend is one to ignore your friendship concerns with a look of meh, then they're likely not a genuine friend.
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SpeakerIf your friend does apologize when they're wrong, but it's along the lines of this, I'm sorry you feel that way,
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Speakerthen they're not taking accountability for their harmful actions and owning up to what they've done.
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SpeakerGood friends can admit when they're wrong. They'll then try to work on correcting any negative behavior that affects their friendship. So do you do the same?
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Speaker5. They keep score on how many times you wronged them.
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SpeakerDoes your friend hold a grudge? Do you hold a grudge towards them?
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SpeakerToxic friendships often involve one or both of the friends involved Keeping score of mistakes the other has made.
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SpeakerWhen you do something that upsets them again or maybe you're in an argument, they'll bring up all the disappointments and negative things you've said or done.
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SpeakerArguments can get out of hand sometimes, but a toxic friend will tend to bring up the toxic scoreboard only when they're confronted with their wrongs.
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SpeakerThey'll use all the times you did something similar as a means of not having to apologize or take accountability for what they've done wrong.
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SpeakerA good friend is honest and listens to the concerns of their buddy.
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SpeakerWhile everyone can argue, a healthy friendship is filled with healthy constructive discussions rather than toxic fights.
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SpeakerSo if your friend is acting a bit harmful towards you, how will you bring up the issue?
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SpeakerBest to do so by having a healthy, open discussion so things don't escalate.
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SpeakerIf they still don't budge, then you'll have to decide if they're really a good friend or not.
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SpeakerAnd 6. they play on your insecurities and make you feel unhappy.
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SpeakerDo you feel unhappy around your friend? Insecure?
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SpeakerYou don't need to feel your most joyful self when around your friend, that's normal.
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SpeakerAnd there can be times where you feel nervous or unhappy as well from time to time.
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SpeakerBut if your friend makes you feel bad about yourself, then this could be another sign you're in a toxic relationship.
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SpeakerYou shouldn't always feel on edge around your friend, afraid of their next criticism or harsh words.
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SpeakerMaybe they make snide remarks or always hold themselves in higher regards to you.
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SpeakerA toxic friend may play on your insecurities to make themselves feel better.
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SpeakerBoth needs should be met in a friendship without hurting the other's feelings or making them feel unhappy.
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SpeakerTake note of how you feel after each interaction with them.
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SpeakerNext time you hang out with them, you may have had a few fun moments, but do you come home feeling discouraged, humiliated, or insecure?
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SpeakerIs this because of something they frequently say or do? If so, it may just be that you have a toxic friend.
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SpeakerSo do you see any of these signs in your friendships? It's best to either openly discuss these concerns with them or think about letting them go as a friend.
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SpeakerDo you see these signs in yourself? If so, know that change is possible.
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SpeakerWork towards correcting any negative behavior you recognize in yourself. It may just be a small step you have to take first.
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SpeakerThen when you recognize and genuinely apologize for your wrongdoing, your friendship may have a good chance to get back on track.
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SpeakerSooner or later, you may get back to a real friendship.
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SpeakerWe hope you enjoyed this video and if you did, don't forget to click the like button and share it with your real friends.
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SpeakerSubscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell icon from our content like this.
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SpeakerAs always, thanks for watching.