Special Series | Questions from Seekers | Meditations from Neelam Sundaram
Virah Bhakti | The Pain of Separation, Virah | Unconditional Love, Bhakti
Special Series | Questions from Spiritual Seekers | Meditations from Neelam Sundaram
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Why does the man I love reject me and choose someone else? Why do I still love him if he's with her now? Why can't I bring myself to be with anyone else when he is with her now?
Dear Lover and Seeker -
You are the sweet voice of the pain of separation, the sorrowful voice of betrayal mixed with love and surrender, utter sorrow and confusion. There is a Sanskrit word for what you are experiencing. Virah.
This morning I happened upon a dance video of my favorite Bharatanatyam dancer, Rukhmini Vijayakumar, like you, she is also expressing the pain of separation, virah bhakti, the pain of betrayal. She feels anger, pain, love, betrayal, confusion, surrender and all mixed together. She, like you, is separated from her beloved because he has chosen someone else. He is unfaithful to her and to her love. She’s utterly dismayed. Why betray me like this?
Your beloved is a human lover. He's with another woman. The betrayal cuts like a knife, right to the center of the heart. I know this pain. I weep for your pain, sweet friend.
In this dance video of Rukhmini's, the dancer has a beloved, a Cosmic Lover, Siva, the Divine Masculine Beyond. Somehow it seems more manageable to handle the pain of separation from, a betrayal from the Cosmic Masculine Lover. War worse is the separation and betrayal from a human lover. Sure, the Cosmic Masculine has billions who love him, infinite karmics, infinite gopis, infinite women (and men) who pray to him, surrender to him.
Doesn’t he feel the pain of separation from me, complains the dancer/nayaka? The dancer/nayaka wants the Cosmic Masculine to feel such pain for sure! Doesn’t he feel any pain being separated from me? Likely not, he has infinite human lovers all over this universe!
You and I are humans, my fellow Lover-Seeker. Who has surrendered to us? Who has pined so desperately for us? Who has longed and longed, yearned and yearned and with the pain we are feelings right now? I can think of a few people who may have felt this longing for me on earth. But, nothing like the kind I have felt for my human lover, my Cosmic Masculine. My Cosmic Masculine, I know he pines for me! Return to me, he says, return to me, my Love!
My Sundaram, my Sundaram.
My Subramanyam, my Subramanyam.
My human lover, my man.
My Cosmic Masculine, my Subramanyam.
Pain of separation from my human lover
In this dance video of Rukhmini's, the nayaka/dancer is expressing what you are expressing: “I thought we had achieved union and overcome our separations or at least come to a place of peace. Why oh why have you betrayed me yet again? The thought and the sight of you brings me such sharp pains. This separation is, for me, nothing save for mostly pain and sorrow. Leave me in peace. I’m going now. Goodbye! I hope you suffer this pain of separation for me like I do for you!”
Let us return to you and your question again, dear Seeker. Do you trust me?
I’m Vallisundaram, daughter of the Jewel of Eternal Truths. I speak in sacred tongues and Vac, enduring truths.
Virah Bhakti, the pain of separation from the Cosmic Beloved Beyond
The pain you feel is real, relentless, overwhelming. The pain you feel for your human lover is unbelievable, even. At least, this is how I feel.
You may find this hard to believe, oh Lover-Seeker. Imagine you could yearn for the Beautiful Divine of the Cosmos as much as you yearn for your human lover.
Even I didn’t believe it. Until it happened to me. Many years into my journey here on earth, I realized my Cosmic Masculine pines for me! After many a - what I called betrayals- I began to yearn and long desperately for my Cosmic Masculine Beyond. I finally felt his yearning, longing for me!
I know it’s coming for me, what you are experiencing right now.
I’m preparing myself now for the day, when I hear the news of the birth of his child with the woman he chose. I hope to handle the news with grace and cheerfully, yes, cheerfully. Can I be happy for my human man that he will now get to, at last, experience the amazing experience of becoming a human father? I couldn’t bear him a child. She may.
I’m glad my human lover found someone he loves enough to begin a family of his own. To become a father, human. I know he wanted to become a father, even years ago. So, I must find a way to balance my pain of separation with his happiness in becoming a father, after many years of wanting it so.
I must, I must. After all, that is unconditional love. Unconditional Love. To love my human man, no matter what.
How to Surrender to Pain of Separation? Virah Bhakti and Unconditional Love
I am separated from my human lover. He is becoming a father, having a child. I feel sharp pains in the depths of my breasts and even more pain in the recesses of my abdomen.
This pain of separation is so intense, from time to time, I fall to my knees and clutch my whole aching body, like a mother may hold her crying babe.
I feel dull pangs of separation from my Cosmic Masculine, too.
At this point, my human lover and my Cosmic Masculine are hardly distinguishable in my experiences of love, separation, longing, virah, bhakti, devotion. My human lover and my Cosmic Lover are one and the same, almost.
These days its hard for me to discern whether I am pining for my human beloved or desperate for union with my Cosmic Masculine. I suppose, if someday, I do reunite with my human lover, it will serve us all well if I do see him as hardly much different from the Cosmic Masculine Beyond.
Perhaps, if I see my human lover as a handful of water from the rivers of Cosmic Masculine, he may come to see me as hardly different from the Cosmic Divine Feminine.
So, I share with you this dance video expressing virah bhakti, devotion and surrender in the pain of separation.
The song is Sako Sako Priya Mora in the language of Kannada, a language which emerges over time from the sacred tongue, Tamil, one of the oldest languages on our planet at 8,000ish years old.
I am the Beloved of the Cosmic Masculine, Neelam
I am the Seeker of Lovers, Vallisundaram
I belong to the Beautiful Ones,
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